For a long time, I thought why do women hype period pain so much? Painful menses run in my family and I’m affected by the same too. But a lot of time I would see conversations/arguments and whenever a woman would use  “we bleed” I would think.. So what? What can men do about it? It’s not their fault that we bleed and they don’t, right? And it’s been the topic of discussion so many times, the topic has become the new cliche. “Oh, she’s a woman she’s gonna complain about her bleeding now.”

But with the passage of time, I kind of do understand it now.

I started this article by calling the topic cliche. True that periods are being normalised today. Social media has been flooded with periods talk already. It has been liked, shared and retweeted and much more. What more can society do, right? It has been talked about so much that it has even started irritating a few people now. It has become the new cliche. But is it really?

Not a long time ago, it was taboo to even talk about it publicly. We have come a long way normalizing talking about periods which is good. But it is also problematic in a way. Why? Because periods are normal, but the pain is not! And what’s more painful is the fact that you have to go through it silently. 

In my two years of experience in a hospital as a physiotherapist, I was carrying post operative patients that were mostly double my weight, helping them walk. There were days when I was in excruciating pain myself. If I could I would lay in my bed with a hot pack. But I was at work, fulfilling my duties without a single complaint. Because complaining would mean that hiring male therapist is more beneficial (believe me, I have heard a lot of heads of the department saying it out loud). And I, in no way, wanted to let anyone think of me any less than any other person- be it male or a female.

In my case, I start getting cramps 4-5 days before actually getting the period, which intensifies as the time actually comes. The first three days are bad. Nights as well. My right knee starts popping much more frequently than it usually does, gnawing pain in the abdomen and the back, my hamstring tighten, diarrhea and the bloating. Not to mention the emotional distress. And the actual period lasts for 5 days or so. And these days the pain is constant. And by constant, I mean CONSTANT. Meftal spas are the best friend, but is only able to help to some extent.

What I want to talk about here is not the pain that women go through, it’s about how women have to deal with it socially and stay silent. How they are constantly at war with the world, trying to prove that they are enough when their body is at war with itself. The maximum that most of them can say at home or work is that they’re unwell. And this at times comes with a price of getting a response like “you’re always unwell” which is one of the biggest problems. So women often refrain themselves from saying anything at all. We don’t want to be seen as someone who is weak and fragile because we are not. 

A year ago I switched to a non clinical job. Luckily, I have been working from home for more than a year now. My company happens to pay us extra if we work on weekends. If I ever say I am unwell, my family members or people who are close to me would suggest not to work. Especially on weekends. But honestly, I still work. Even when I am in pain. If I love my job and I love filling my bank account, how can I let the period pain win? Had it been any other day of the week, I would have still been able to take maximum one sick leave. I wouldn’t want to feel limited and not be able to earn what I can because of the pain that I didn’t choose. And this now makes me feel like this is not just a fight with society, it’s a fight with myself. The constant need to feel competent, constant need to prove myself. Sometimes it is healthy. And sometimes, not really.

Recently periods leaves were introduced in India. It was a havoc on the internet. And I actually saw a lot of people opposing the idea. There were questions being raised about misuse of the leaves, about whatever happened to women being equal and what not. And I got into thinking, even if my company will be introducing period leaves tomorrow, would I even use them? On days it seems really necessary, I might. But then how do I put aside the fear of not being competent enough?

My two cents on what would make us feel better with your help

• Awareness. My first and foremost advice would be to be aware. Just know that something like this exists and it is real. A lot of times, all of us are just making mistakes because we are unaware of something as we are not the one suffering from it.
• Refrain from unkind statements. I think not hearing phrases like “you’re always unwell” would really help a lot. It is the same as being sick. No one wants to get sick, but they do. Similarly, no one wants to go through this pain, but sadly, they do.
• Acknowledgement. I am not saying that we all get a board saying “all hail women” (second guessing- why not?) or write about it on social media. But to actually acknowledge the women around us and their struggles. And if some refuse to acknowledge it for whatever reason, at least not deny it completely.

• Emotional Support from the close ones is always a great great support. I cannot stress enough on the emotional baggage that it carried at this time. Everything hits hard. Even the smallest remarks seem bigger, the workload and the societal pressure. Knowing that you are not alone and emotionally supported helps to lift the spirit and motivates.
• Be a helping hand. Offer help if you can. In my case, whenever my dad finds me looking for meftal-spas he understands that I’m on my periods and he is always a great help when it comes to household chores. I am blessed to be in a home where I can even share it with the males and they understand.
• Gestures. As little as a cup of tea/coffee helps a lot. A lot of times we don’t even want anyone to do anything for us. I have had my friends offering to order brownie/pizza when they get to know. I always ask them not to but gestures like these may make someone’s day. It is always good to know that someone cares. Also, you can be on your knees and feed your special ones chocolate dipped strawberries. (Just kidding!)

My two cents for all the women out there

• Choose your battles. At the end of the day, we have to be our own hero. But at some point, we are gonna have to learn how we can make our lives easier. For us. Fight your battle if you need to. But also, if laying low for some battles may do at that time, don’t be afraid to do it.
• Heating pads. Let’s not shy away from taking a small hot pack to our workplace if needed.
• Warm fluids Hot tea/coffee/milk whatever helps you.
• Refrain from body shaming. Bloating is normal. I have been underweight all my life and I still bloat. Don’t hate yourself for that.
• Cut yourself some slack. Prioritize your tasks. And when you do so, try to balance the things that are required for you to do with the things you love to do. 
• Get rid of the guilt. Stop feeling bad for the things that you chose not to do. Don’t feel guilty when you accept the help that someone offered. 
• Pamper yourself. Do not wait for someone else to pamper you. Be the help you need. 
• Consult a doctor. As much as I myself hate the idea of popping pills twice a day for 3 days every month for the next 20 years of my life, enough doctors in my circle have told me that it is okay to do so. Even though I still refrain. But if the pain is too much, seeing a doctor wouldn’t hurt, right?

What are your two cents about this struggle? Comment down below.

Here’s a beautiful poem for all of us